My Story

I posted this a couple of months ago on my Facebook page, but I figured I should share it here as well. This is only a portion of my story, but it will give you some background as to where I came from. 

My Story

So I have a few friends who are requesting to know a little bit more about their friends on Facebook. It is very true that while I have many Facebook “friends” the percentage that truly, actually knows me is probably very small. I am a Christian and that is a very important part of my life. Because of that, I post a lot of Christian things and Scripture. Does that mean I think I have my life all together and I am some perfect human being who never messes up? By no means! Believe me, I know I am not perfect and I am daily reminded of my many imperfections. It does, however, mean that I do rely fully and completely (at least I try) on a perfect God. So here I am going to write a little bit about my story – it is not the whole thing, I think I could write a book on that and maybe I will someday – but for now here is a little piece of me. If you’re not interested simply stop reading and continue with your news feed. But if you are one of the people who would like a little more insight into who I am then read on! :) 

It seems that there is a point in everyone’s life when they are completely broken. When life is turned upside down and everything they once relied on is gone. I have always seemed to do things at a young age and for me I was very young when this happened. I was around 9 I believe, in 4th grade when this journey started for me. That is my daughter’s current age and puts things into perspective for me. In my life, as it seems happens with many, it seemed everything hit at once. My family went through many hardships during this time and I went through personal ones as well. My brother was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer – Ewing’s Sarcoma. One day our lives were that of normal kids playing together in the yard – the next everything was turned upside down. My perspective of this is a bit different – I wasn’t the one going through chemo treatments, experiencing all the pain and discomfort, but I watched as my brother went through these awful treatments, I spent a lot of time at my grandparents house, and I watched my brother receive gifts from many people around him. I am by no means saying that he didn’t deserve the attention, love and support that he got – he certainly did! I just encourage anyone who is close to children struggling with sickness – don’t neglect the siblings of the sick child either – it is hard on them too. It is something that affects the whole family.

Now let me go on a little side note for a minute. I was blessed to have two amazing women in my life – women who have faced more than any woman should ever have to: my mother and my grandmother. For one, they both had to watch their sons go through great sickness. As a mother, I cannot imagine the pain that must have caused. Unfortunately, during this same time period when my brother was sick my Uncle was also very ill. We had to watch my Uncle die of an awful disease. He was in my grandmother’s home and she did everything she knew how to make him comfortable in his last days, including turning her own dining room into his bedroom. Watching my mother and my grandmother through these trials taught me strength, taught me selflessness and taught me how to have joy and even humor in the midst of the direst of situations. I respect and admire those women greatly.

In my life personally at this time I was in public school. Because of my brother’s illness I had to go see the school counselor weekly, but I never talked. During this time I was bullied terribly. Kids called me names, made fun of how I looked and what I wore and even kicked me as I waited for my turn in gym class. Kids can be cruel. At one point, I couldn’t even name one friend that I had… it was a very hard and lonely time in my life. After two horrible years in public school my parents decided to send me to a Christian school. This wasn’t to shelter me or because we thought we were too good for public school – this was to save my life. If I hadn’t switched schools I don’t know if I would be here right now – I don’t know if I would have found life worth living. I am thankful for the opportunity I had to attend the school I did and form some friendships and grow in my relationship with God. Things didn’t turn around right away and through most of my teen years I struggled with insecurities and very low self-esteem. This low self-esteem caused me to make some bad choices in my life to feel accepted. This was a point in time when God truly taught me about His grace and His mercy.

God restored me; He blessed me with a wonderful husband who I didn’t deserve. He had a purpose in everything I went through. I don’t think it is a coincidence that my hardest years were from age 9-17 and I married a youth pastor. God uses everything that we go through – nothing is wasted. Life has not been charmed since then – we have had our share of struggles. Our marriage is not perfect – we have both hurt each other deeply in the 12 years we have been married, but we love each other despite it all. We live in a tiny 2 room house that we don’t fit in, we don’t have a lot of money, but we have each other and we have God. That is why I talk about Him so much – because without Him I don’t know how I would have made it this far in life. More struggles will come and have. Disappointments come, heartbreak comes, but God is faithful. I guess that is why my favorite Scripture right now is Hebrews 6:19 “This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast.” Dark times come, hope seems lost, but God has a plan. He is not finished with the story of your life and there is so much more to come. Don’t lose hope if you are in the midst of those hard times right now. Though life will never be easy it will not remain night forever. Morning will come, the Sun will rise and joy will return. Don’t lose heart. There is so much more I could say, but I don’t want to bore you any longer. If you stuck in there this long thank you for bearing with me and thank you for being my friend.