For Better or For Worse

Today I am going to be talking a little about my husband and our marriage. We have been married 12 years - we have had our ups and our downs, but I am very blessed to have the husband that I have. We were very young when we got married - I was 20 and he was 18! I know that God knew what He was doing when He put us together when He did - He knew that we would need each other more than we could fathom at the time.

Our first year of marriage was one of the most trying times in both of our lives - not because of our marriage, but because of circumstances outside of our control. Some of our biggest support systems were ripped away from us that very first year. Both of our churches were undergoing huge problems and splits and Dennis' family was experiencing the same. As I look back on it I see what a truly hard time in our lives that was. However, our saving grace in it all was that we had each other and we had God. We did not live "happily ever after" right after we were married. Things got very hard and very lonely for a while, but in reflecting back on it I see how those situations really drew Dennis and I closer together. We had to learn how to stand strong as a couple, even if we were standing alone. We had to figure out who we were and what we stood for. I believe that much of what happened in that first year has molded us into who we are today as people and as a couple.

So many times today people take the easy way out - things get hard and instead of digging their heels in and sticking things out they just decide to run away. Instead of dealing with the problem at hand they neglect it and ignore it and pretend it was never there. Faithfulness is not easy. Marriage is not easy. Sometimes it is going to seem like the whole world is against you - that you are losing everyone you were ever close to. But God gives us a promise: He is there! Isaiah 58:9 says, "Then you shall call and the Lord will answer; you shall cry and He will say 'Here I am'". That first year of marriage brought a lot of tears for both of us, but the foundation that we built during that year will never crumble. Our foundation was not built on any person or any church or any support system other than Jesus Christ our Lord. He was the Rock that we stood on when everything else around us seemed to be crumbling. It was painful to walk through but as I look back I am truly thankful for what God did in us during that time. This week is Thanksgiving and it is easy to be thankful for the victories in life - the good times and our material possessions. But this Thanksgiving I am thankful for those hard times in life too - those times that truly built not my comfort, but my character. Earthly comforts are temporary, but our character will remain. This Thanksgiving be thankful for those things that will remain - those things that this world cannot steal away from you. Those are the things that truly matter.

Rear-view Mirror

The past few days I have been struggling with the past. Sometimes it is hard to look back and see how things have changed. For some of us the past is an ugly place that we don’t want to remember but it haunts us every day of our lives. For others the past is a great place that we long to go back to because we miss what once was and we are not satisfied with what is. In my life I have experienced a little bit of both of those scenarios.

But as I “reflected” on this (no pun intended….well maybe a little pun intended) God brought the image of a rear-view mirror to mind. Webster’s dictionary defines a rear-view mirror as “a mirror (as in an automobile) that gives a view of the area behind a vehicle.” Obviously, sometimes it is important to see behind the vehicle. You need to see behind you when you are driving in reverse to make sure you don’t hit anything and you need to see behind you while driving to keep an eye out for emergency vehicles or anything else that may be coming from behind. The rear-view mirror is a very important part of any vehicle. However, if one tried to drive while constantly looking in the rear-view mirror the results could be disastrous. 

I believe the same concepts apply to our lives. There are times in our lives when we need to “glance” at what has passed. We can use it as a point of reference to remember where we came from – that is very important. Sometimes we need to know what is behind us to know how to appropriately react in our present (for example – if a cop is behind us we need to pull over). But be careful because we've all seen that message in our mirrors, right? “Objects in mirror are closer than they appear”. A mirror’s perspective is skewed. We cannot always trust that what we see is exactly what is real. A mirror has a way of skewing our view and affecting how we see things. Remember that how you look back at things may not be exactly how they really occurred. Be willing to recognize that might be the case and adjust accordingly. When we are in reverse we need to use our mirrors to make sure we do not collide with anything and hurt someone else or ourselves - so reverse is another point. Why do we reverse? How long do we reverse? Sometimes we have to reverse to get back on track to where we need to go, but we never reverse for a long period of time -for that would be dangerous. We reverse for the shortest amount of time possible – the length of time it takes to make the adjustment – and then we begin to move forward.

Sometimes in life we get so caught up in what is behind us that we forget to move forward. If we have encountered bumpy roads along the way what good does it do to keep looking in the rear-view mirror and saying “Wow, look at that road back there – that was bumpy!”?  If we do that we can miss what is on the road ahead of us. This never has positive results. It is also possible that we will stop our car altogether and just sit there parked looking at those bumpy roads. That would be a tragedy. We can do the same thing with looking at the scenery we passed. Yes, we will pass beautiful places, but we can’t always stay there. We need to keep driving forward.

Isaiah 43:18-19 says, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”

Let us not become so “past focused” that we cannot see what God is doing in our present or worse yet we miss it totally because we are still “rear-view mirror” focused. God is always doing a new thing! That is what He has been showing me through these last few days. I have taken a little time to look at the view and remember where I have been, but now it is time to face forward, step on the gas again and drive on! Happy trails, friends! 

When Friendship Doesn't Work

It seems I have struggled with friendship all my life. I have always had a hard time making and/or keeping friends for whatever reason. It was never something that came to me naturally as it does for some people - I am not bubbly and outgoing, people are not naturally attracted to my personality. Since it is such work for me to make friends sometimes I ask myself if it is really worth it. Why put all that effort into it when I was just going to lose the friend anyway?

There have been a few points in my life when I did not have any friends. Once when I was a young girl in school and a couple times in my adult life as well. It is a hard spot to be in, but at the same time those were the points in my life when I probably grew the most in my walk with God. Not having those friendships made me no longer rely on human validation for my worth.

In our society today we have become obsessed with popularity. It has become a god for many. We are driven by how many “likes” we get or how many followers we have. It can become an addiction to seek out that validation and affirmation, but it is a false affirmation. It is a facade and an imposter. Those “likes” and followers do not equal true, valuable friendship - they are merely an illusion of it. If we are not careful we can build a kingdom in our mind, but at the end of the day not have any true connection and accountability.

But what if it is true connection? What if we have real, flesh and blood, present friendships and they still don’t work out? What then? I know, for me personally, I get into trouble when I place a friendship at too high of a place in my life. Don’t get me wrong- friendship is a gift, it is a treasure and it is something every person should have in their life. However, if at the moment you find yourself alone and lacking that connection know that perhaps God has a purpose in it. At my deepest times of loneliness I have had to truly make God my Source.

When it comes to friends the truth is that no friendship will stay the same forever. Yes, you may be one of those lucky few who finds a lifelong friend. But even so - that friendship is going to morph into something different all throughout your life. The friendship you had as children is not going to look exactly like the friendship you have as adults (unless you still have slumber parties and talk about boys you like - it is possible I suppose). But friendship is something that changes and grows all throughout your life. No friend is going to meet every need you have socially, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Sure, it is a popular idea to have that one “BFF” who is all you need and with whom you share every thought with and do everything with but the idea is just not realistic or even healthy. To put all of our emotional and social needs into one person can be dangerous. We are merely setting ourselves up to be disappointed.

So then… what is the good news you ask? This all sounds very pessimistic and cynical, but I assure you it is not. When we let God be God in our lives and friends be friends it is a very freeing thing. Friends are wonderful, but friends make really lousy gods. If we take a realistic, healthy view of friendship then we will see that we do not need to be exclusive and have that one “BFF” to fulfill all of our needs, we do not need to get possessive and we don’t have to get jealous when our friends hang out with someone else. We are free to the possibilities of having many different friends who each meet a different need. We can have that friend for deep conversations, the friend that keeps us sharp, the friend we laugh with, the friend that we pour into, etc..  and we don’t need to get upset when our friend can’t always be there when we feel we need them. I am not saying we should not try to be there for each other, but we are after all human and it will not always be possible. God is always there. He will never let us down. Humans will, husbands and wives will, pastors will, children will, parents will and yes friends will too.  

Friendship doesn’t work when we put our friends in the place where God should be. He should be our source and the first one we call to when trouble comes. He should be the one we get our validation and worth from. So many times we go to our friends first, or even Facebook first - but we should go to God first. Let Him fill that void in your life. Then your friends won’t be put in that place where God should be, but every friendship you have will be an added blessing. This not only frees you it also takes the pressure off of your friends to feel they need to fulfill all those areas in your life. Enjoy your friendships but don’t ruin them by making them the source
and center of your life. It just doesn’t work.

Lead On

Today I was talking to my husband as I was walking on the canal about some new areas of ministry I am beginning to walk into. I told him I was walking and he said "by faith", not knowing I meant I was literally walking. But it really hit me that as I was literally, physically walking down this path that God was also sending me on a path of uncharted territory for me and I was walking another figurative path - a path of faith that God set before me. At that moment my music switched to Phillip Phillips "Lead on... and I'll follow." Ok, God... I take the hint. Wherever you lead I will follow, in my housing situation, in my ministries, in my family - You take the lead and I will follow. <3

My Story

I posted this a couple of months ago on my Facebook page, but I figured I should share it here as well. This is only a portion of my story, but it will give you some background as to where I came from. 

My Story

So I have a few friends who are requesting to know a little bit more about their friends on Facebook. It is very true that while I have many Facebook “friends” the percentage that truly, actually knows me is probably very small. I am a Christian and that is a very important part of my life. Because of that, I post a lot of Christian things and Scripture. Does that mean I think I have my life all together and I am some perfect human being who never messes up? By no means! Believe me, I know I am not perfect and I am daily reminded of my many imperfections. It does, however, mean that I do rely fully and completely (at least I try) on a perfect God. So here I am going to write a little bit about my story – it is not the whole thing, I think I could write a book on that and maybe I will someday – but for now here is a little piece of me. If you’re not interested simply stop reading and continue with your news feed. But if you are one of the people who would like a little more insight into who I am then read on! :) 

It seems that there is a point in everyone’s life when they are completely broken. When life is turned upside down and everything they once relied on is gone. I have always seemed to do things at a young age and for me I was very young when this happened. I was around 9 I believe, in 4th grade when this journey started for me. That is my daughter’s current age and puts things into perspective for me. In my life, as it seems happens with many, it seemed everything hit at once. My family went through many hardships during this time and I went through personal ones as well. My brother was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer – Ewing’s Sarcoma. One day our lives were that of normal kids playing together in the yard – the next everything was turned upside down. My perspective of this is a bit different – I wasn’t the one going through chemo treatments, experiencing all the pain and discomfort, but I watched as my brother went through these awful treatments, I spent a lot of time at my grandparents house, and I watched my brother receive gifts from many people around him. I am by no means saying that he didn’t deserve the attention, love and support that he got – he certainly did! I just encourage anyone who is close to children struggling with sickness – don’t neglect the siblings of the sick child either – it is hard on them too. It is something that affects the whole family.

Now let me go on a little side note for a minute. I was blessed to have two amazing women in my life – women who have faced more than any woman should ever have to: my mother and my grandmother. For one, they both had to watch their sons go through great sickness. As a mother, I cannot imagine the pain that must have caused. Unfortunately, during this same time period when my brother was sick my Uncle was also very ill. We had to watch my Uncle die of an awful disease. He was in my grandmother’s home and she did everything she knew how to make him comfortable in his last days, including turning her own dining room into his bedroom. Watching my mother and my grandmother through these trials taught me strength, taught me selflessness and taught me how to have joy and even humor in the midst of the direst of situations. I respect and admire those women greatly.

In my life personally at this time I was in public school. Because of my brother’s illness I had to go see the school counselor weekly, but I never talked. During this time I was bullied terribly. Kids called me names, made fun of how I looked and what I wore and even kicked me as I waited for my turn in gym class. Kids can be cruel. At one point, I couldn’t even name one friend that I had… it was a very hard and lonely time in my life. After two horrible years in public school my parents decided to send me to a Christian school. This wasn’t to shelter me or because we thought we were too good for public school – this was to save my life. If I hadn’t switched schools I don’t know if I would be here right now – I don’t know if I would have found life worth living. I am thankful for the opportunity I had to attend the school I did and form some friendships and grow in my relationship with God. Things didn’t turn around right away and through most of my teen years I struggled with insecurities and very low self-esteem. This low self-esteem caused me to make some bad choices in my life to feel accepted. This was a point in time when God truly taught me about His grace and His mercy.

God restored me; He blessed me with a wonderful husband who I didn’t deserve. He had a purpose in everything I went through. I don’t think it is a coincidence that my hardest years were from age 9-17 and I married a youth pastor. God uses everything that we go through – nothing is wasted. Life has not been charmed since then – we have had our share of struggles. Our marriage is not perfect – we have both hurt each other deeply in the 12 years we have been married, but we love each other despite it all. We live in a tiny 2 room house that we don’t fit in, we don’t have a lot of money, but we have each other and we have God. That is why I talk about Him so much – because without Him I don’t know how I would have made it this far in life. More struggles will come and have. Disappointments come, heartbreak comes, but God is faithful. I guess that is why my favorite Scripture right now is Hebrews 6:19 “This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast.” Dark times come, hope seems lost, but God has a plan. He is not finished with the story of your life and there is so much more to come. Don’t lose hope if you are in the midst of those hard times right now. Though life will never be easy it will not remain night forever. Morning will come, the Sun will rise and joy will return. Don’t lose heart. There is so much more I could say, but I don’t want to bore you any longer. If you stuck in there this long thank you for bearing with me and thank you for being my friend.